A long overdue letter to Keira

Why did mummy say "a long overdue letter to Keira"?

It's been ... well... slightly long overdue because .... in the middle of one night (some 2-3 wks ago), after I fed Keisha delicious mummy-milk and seeing that she has dozed off ... I starting thinking about you, my dear Keira.

Why? and why did mummy think of you when I see you everyday? ... *sob* *sob* That night, my mind was full of "u" with lots of questions, thoughts and heartaches. That night, mummy wanted to pen those thoughts in this blog but was too tired to get out of bed. After some weeks today, I found the time, energy and perhaps courage as well to write you my 1st letter here.

Keira, mummy wanted to pen this so that one day, when you grow up and is sensible enough to read this, you will know how much "aches" mummy has gone through during this period of time with you and keisha. These 3 months have been super hectic for mummy... Perhaps having 2 kids with a close age gap is not that good a choice. With you at your Terrible 2, sometimes I don't know how to deal with your tantrums. Worst, mummy is becoming terrified and worried because I do not know when you will stop throwing tantrums as and when you like it. No matter how I explained to you, no matter how I screamed at you... you just don't listen! Not only is this a mental stress on me, I am feeling physically very very tired too. Those evenings that I have to drag and carry you home with so many bags on my shoulders is an extremely exhausting event. Mummy tell u ... I don't like that at all. But the moment you became well-behaved and sweet again, mummy's heart melted instantly!

Some nights, when all's quite with you and keisha sleeping soundly, mummy could only lie down flat on couch and not do anything! Mummy really wish that you can outgrow this T2 and help mummy nurture your lil sis keisha, instead of giving me additional headache. Before, mummy always look forward to weekends, spending time with you. But now, weekends have become my greatest dilemma. The fact that I want to spend all my time with you and keisha has not changed, but with 2 of u, one at 2 and one only 2.5 mths old ... handling both of you is just so challenging. When keisha needed to nap, you will be talking at the top of your voice (even though the room door is shut) and she will be deprived of her sleep. Otherwise, you will be throwing tantrums again for (to us) no reasons.

Though you have not been really obedient, mummy applaud you for not feeling jealous over your lil sis. Of coz, sometimes you do want papa and mummy to carry you when you see us cuddling keisha... but you are really good in this sense. Mummy thank you for that because this has definitely taken a load of my chest worrying how to deal with it if your jealousy gets over your head.

Before I end this note... mummy also hope that you will be cooperative with us in your toilet training. Teachers in school praised you for being very cooperative but you have not extended the same treatment to mummy. Why? are you punishing me? Please... I really hope I don't have to clear your poo and pee soon....

Love,
Mummy

Keira is 2!!!

Happy Birthday to U
Happy Birthday to U
Happy Birthday to Lele
Happy Birthday to U!

Keira has been singing Happy Birthday song over the past month. Not that she was preparing for her birthday but the childcare center that she attends has quite a number of birthday celebrations in Aug and Sept. So... many nites leading to her big 2 ... Keira and I were 'practicing' happy birthday, cut cake and blow candle before her bedtime ... ... and she enjoyed it! U bet... i was looking forward to her big 2 celebration at her childcare last friday! I ordered a 2kg cake with a swimming pool coz she kept asking me to bring her swimming, and made goodie bags for all the kids in her childcare...

Guess what!!! Just look at the below 2 pictures taken last friday at her celebration with her childcare frens and teachers! My goodness! did anyone owe her money???????



Look... all the kids were so excited... showing the V sign and smiling happily for the camera ... but... look at Keira! She doesn't even want to blow the candles!



After I went through that effort, it seems Keira isn't quite used to the "shock" and "attention" on her! ....

So... on Sat (yesterday), her actual birthday, I bought a mini cupcake and asked for a small candle. I thought, perhaps.... Keira would like to have a little, small celebration with me, papa and Keisha.... So ... look at below pictures... u'll see the difference in atmosphere... with a much much smaller cake and a much much smaller candle! haha...






So, u see.. Keira did finally get to sing birthday song to herself, blow her candle and cut her cake! Seeing her elder sis enjoying her mini cupcake, Keisha thought she wanted to have a "slice" of the cake too.....


"noooooooooooooooo...." ... was Keira's response to Keisha.... haha....

Freaking!!! Look at how Keira has "transformed"!

My goodness ... !

Remember when Keira was just 8 months old, I posted a pic of her in her polka-dots swim wear??? Nevermind if you have forgotten, here's one to refresh your memory!



But... look at her now!!! at 23 months! She has transformed from a wrestler to a sweet little thing! haha...

Keira in school uniform

Should I say ... in "childcare" uniform rather than school uniform?

All rounded Keisha in 7 shots

Thinking....


Crying...


Smiling...


Bewildered...


Angry...


Boring... this is just plain BORING!

Keira & Keisha

WAHHHH .....................!!!!!!!!!
So what caught their attention? Keira, be careful mosquito gets into your big mouth!


Looks like it's just Keira trying to scare her baby sis... what a way to show that she is still #1!

DUH!

Love between the 2

Keira certainly loves having a newborn at home. Every morning when she gets up from bed, she'll be coming over to my room to get a glimpse of Keisha ... If Keisha happens to be having her morning milk session on my bxxbs .. Keira will be all excited to touch her little sis.

Every evening when she comes home from playschool, she'll want to peep at her little sis too. Any jealously yet? Well... I tend to think there is a little though she doesn't quite show it with any tantrums. It's more subtle ... like when I carry Keisha, Keira will want me to hold her hands :-p, and likewise when papa carry, she'll want to hold papa's hand.

Talking about hugging and carrying her little sis, Keira just couldn't wait! Sometimes, I am so worried that her super high powered strength could hurt her little sis. Most times, she'll listen to us when we tell her to go soft on her little sis. At times, I wished Keisha could grow up fast so that she can play with her big sis too!

Last Sunday, while Keisha was awake, we asked Keira if she wanted to carry 妹妹。Without a thought, her hands reached out immediately .. looking at how Keira carried and looked so dearly at her little sis ... I just have to take a pic of them! .... however, the 'dearly moments' could not be captured on photo ... perhaps it's my super idiotic cam-skill! So... here are some showing 妹妹 looking very uncomfortable instead... haahaa!

Keisha...The Kungful Fighter

It's the Kungful Fighting.....

Look what super-natural kungful skill Keisha was born with! Don't mess with her!

> picture created by papa ... all rights reserved <

1/7/08...Princess Keisha arrived!

1/7/08...1356hrs...at Gleneagles Hospital...

Keisha arrived with a demure, soft cry! Keisha was born through a planned c-sect. Unlike Keira who went through 16 hrs of labor and ended up with emergency c-sect. This time, I decided to opt for planned once due to various factors. After ops, Gynae told me that my wound muscles are weak and if I go through natural labor, I might rupture my wound.

This time round, recovery seemed alot better and faster than the 1st. This planned c-sect also enabled my hb to witness the operation and the birth of Keisha. He missed witnessing Keira when I had emerg c-sect, so this time, he seemed excited when Keisha was being pulled out.. though he was freaking out when he had to sit so up close to seeing the op without any screen to hide.. unlike what I had! Him being there with me, really made me alot calmer than the 1st. This time, my shivering from the effects of Epidural was alot more manageable than the 1st too.

Am glad these are over, and now I can enjoy the company of my 2 princesses! ... here's a pic of lovely Princess Keisha!

Choices, choices, choices..means decision, decision, decision

Are having choices really or necessarily a good thing? Perhaps not all the time...

At times, when there isn't a choice for you and you had to do it the only way... it might not be a bad thing afterall. In other cases, where you know there is a probability of risks and you have choices where a decision has to be made ... it might not be that exciting.

What am I talking about?

Some friends might recall that I had a previous c-sect done on my 1st pregnancy. Well, that wasn't really a choice as it was considered emergency c-sect since I had labor for 16 hrs and cervix did not dilate (actually only 1.5cm after 16 hrs of contractions). So I ended up with c-sect, which wasn't something I wanted nor expected. Frankly, I didn't like the whole process during the ops because I experienced intense shivering due to the effects of epidural in the ops. It felt terrible because I couldn't control the shiver and no one could.. I could only endure until gynae finished stitching. Emotionally, it affected me because I wanted to go through natural birth that when I ended up not able to do so, I started 'blaming myself' about being so incompetent ... this "slight depression" started on day 2 and it started to build up plus the fact that milk hasn't came in at the time. Everything made me felt like I am such a failure.... I cried .... and thank goodness, hb was there and that little comfort made me snapped out of depression very quickly. Couldn't imagine what would have happened if I continued to submit myself to depression.

So, this time round, I kinda prep myself that I could end up with c-sect although I was still hoping for VBAC (virginal birth after c-sect). In my last checkup with gynae (38 wks 2 days) on Sat, my cervix was still stubbornly closed although gynae said it has started to thin/soft. Gosh.. how long more do I have to wait... with the onset of contractions/tightening that I have been experiencing over the past 5 or so days. Ofcoz it was bearable... but definitely making me very comfortable. My tummy is super low ... I can't sit properly, it felt like my whole tummy has drooped! Keira kept wanting me to carry her... my bb's cord is around her neck, my strep B culture did not cure after 1st round of antibotics .... and I am so tired!

I had to make a decision to have a planned c-sect or continue to wait until my cervix dilate. There are many factors to consider and I did not have a fun time over the weekends thinking about what I should do! Every other time when I thought I made a decision to do 1-way, my mind suddenly changed. Fact is, I just could not make up my mind!

Finally, this morning, I told hb... it'll be final chance. I'll see gynae this afternoon, check again.. if cervix is still as stubborn as ME, then I will go thru planned c-sect tomorrow!

... I am freaked out! freak out about the effects of epi making me shiver during ops, freak out about the pain after c-sect, freak out about the recovery, freak out about not being able to carry Keira for (going to be) a while! so freaking out that she will begin to reject me ... :(

Backdated: Zoo Trip 10 May

Can't believe myself! I've clean forgotten about the pictures taken during the Zoo trip on 10 May! and it's been almost >1 mth ago! It was only until couple days back when I was charging my camera in preparation for my #2 delivery that I chanced upon them! ahaaa...

Here are some pics for your viewing pleasure...

Pointing to the monkeys on the trees...


Being cheeky on camera


Keira just not keen to take pic w cousin Karin???


Keira decided to walk away... more engrossed in other stuff...


Left with sweety Karin...


Everyone was watching Elephant Show...except greedy Keira enjoying her raisins!


End of trip ... she decided to take a ride from Ms Cow!

2 June 2008: Keira started play school

2 June 2008:

Keira started play school - whatever that is supposed to be called... I still can't quite get it yet, and perhaps that's because I never really want to remember! Play school, pre-nursery, nursery, pre-school.. whatever... !!! To me, she is just going to "school" at age of 20 months to interact with other toddlers, kids...etc. Learn to make friends and learn to share... and learn to be an obedient gal! that's my basic criteria for now. Anything additional.. will be bonus ... frankly, I'll rather she learns stuff like singing, dancing etc... rather than anything that seems too presurizing! I hope for her to grow up enjoying her childhood!

So.. how's first and second day for Keira?

I was really skeptical over the past weeks when we decided to send her to playschool. So, we started her off with half-day this whole week, and then transition to full-day from next week onwards. I thought she'll be kicking big fuss and crying through her first day in school when left alone (coz Karin, her cousin is out of town and not in school this week). Contrary to that, I was told by mum that Keira only cried a little and actually managed to stay in school till being picked up at lunch! WOW.... great job Keira!

Today is Keira's second day....
I was told she did better than yesterday! haha.. wow... another great job Keira! I am so proud of you... please keep up the good job! Teacher said she speaks really well! great job!

For 2 evenings, I asked Keira what she had learnt from school ... and being her cheeky self (or perhaps still not able to articulate her message/thoughts....)... Keira told me "洗手" .. "饭饭".... "包包" ... in response to her ... "What? .. mama paid $XXX per month for you to learn how to "wash hands", "eat rice" and "eat bread" ??? ... haha .... upon hearing me, Keira let off a super loud laugh!

What a Nightmare!

I've got to post this!

I had a daunting nightmare! No, and I definitely do not wish for this to ever happen in my life!
I dreamt that Keira went missing! Like any other dreams, it was a weird one too... with unimaginable people together, unimaginable location and unimaginable incident and scenarios leading to the mischap.

I have no idea where to begin because I could not really recall how it all started... but i vividly remembered that I was out having tea in a canteen environment with my friends. Unimaginable because the scene had my various groups of people whom they have never met before nor ever came together (and I shall not name any names). Next, I told everyone that I was going for a shower, and the scene immediately changed to my parent's house in Hougang! Gosh..how did they relate? unimaginable... because everyone else also appeared at my parent's house while I was having my shower. After shower, I came out and in a very relaxed mood, I set with my friends continuing our coffee (or whatever that was)... and all of a sudden, I recalled Keira! She was seen some time ago.. and all of a sudden, she was no where to be seen! One of my friends said she saw her playing in the living room and now she's gone missing! All of a sudden, my dad appeared into the scene... and we were frantically searching for her in the house! I flipped almost every pieces of furniture, opened all cabinets and screaming everywhere... but Keira cannot be found!

My heart died!!!!

I was screaming and crying... but my heart was dead that moment!

Just then, I woke up from my "sobbing" ... and seconds later.. I felt a little heartbeat next to me... Keira was lying shoulder to shoulder, body to body.. just right next to me! I sighed .. relieve... but unimaginable! Till this hour.. my heart was still aching .. fresh from the nightmare!

I know.. I can't lose my flesh and blood! She is so dear to me.... I love her....

Treasure what you have...

It's Vesak Day! I almost forgot it's public holiday today!
As usual, Keira woke up reel early... her usual b/w 6am - 6:30am timing. She was lying right next to me when I woke up from her non-stop fidgeting. Though I would appreciate more rest time, it thrilled me/felt really good to find your little one cuddling next to you, and calling out... "mama, wake up...mama, wake u" ... ^=^

We went to Bukit Timah Killiney for breakfast this morning, and it was a breeze finding parking right smack in front of the shop. That meant, I could watch out for "Men in white" issuing summons... ^_^

While Keira was enjoying her big corn bun, an uncle came along and set to the table next to us. I remembered him... he was playing with Keira the last time we were there too. He is a 70-year old english-speaking uncle, very fit looking too. Think he must have just finished his daily exercise and having his morning breakfast at Killiney. He kept smiling at Keira and paying her some attention. Later, he told me that children at Keira's age now is the best and fun to be with. On my comment that Keira is a naughty kid at her Terrible 2, uncle said "oh, it's better for them to be naughty than be a stone-block kid". I have been longing for a grandchild for years... and I have given up hope that my 2 daughters will ever get married and have kids". He later told us that everytime he brought up the topic of marriage and kids, his 40+ year old daughters will shot him down like a machine-gun. Poor uncle..., I could see from his eyes how deep his desire is for grandchild to play with. He told told me..." lady, you are doing your duty very well..." .. upon seeing that I am expecting #2! He came across as wealthy, healthy but not 100% happy as he seems to lack what he felt was a last few pieces of of perfect picture to make his life truly fufilled. Frankly, my heart goes out to him at that moment. It's life... when you have it, you don't TRULY appreciate. This uncle, you can tell... how much he is longing to be able to take care of grandchild, spend time with them, play with them, bring them for walk etc etc... yet... there could be many grandparents out there who may not TRULY appreciate what they have that others don't... :-(

Isn't life's always never making anyone 100% safistied? when u want it, you don't have it....

Gift of Gab?

Gift of Gab for Keira? Or just talkative like her mummy.... ME?!?!?!

At current age of 19 months, I feel (we feel... or many others felt)... Keira's like a 2.3 - 3 years old when she talks. Sometimes I wonder... is Keira's speech capability progressing faster than other toddlers? Sometimes, we are so amazed by her use of certain vocabulary at her super young age. Firstly, she can say words with more than 3 syllabus and she can speak in short sentences that you actually understand! Most parts, we believe she picked them up from what we constantly taught her and by repeating those on and on, she got them. For some, she learnt from how adults speak.

Let me see what I can recall from the list of words/sentences that she can speak really well - I mean... pronounce really well, and she actually know what they mean.... I want to capture these in my blog now, so I know at progress of Keira's growth/development...

Words she knows and can call out when she sees them/wants to tell us:
- Umbrella (in English and Mandarin)
- Clothes: Shirt and pants (in Mandarin)
- Shoes (in English and Mandarin)
- Lorry, Bus, Car (in English): she can more or less differentiate them..especially for lorry!
- Please, Bye Bye (in English)
- Diaper (in English)
- Cow, bear, zebra (in English): not to mention her toys Dora, Elmo, Cookie Monster, bear bear
- Cheese, Raisin, Yoghurt, Soya Bean, Milo, Soup, Fish, Milk (in English)
- Biscuit, Bread, Meat, Vegetable, Carrot, Rice (in Mandarin)
- Hair (in Mandarin)
- Itchy, pain, cold, hot (in Mandarin)
- Thank you (in Mandarin)
- Spicy (in Mandarin): Basically, anything she sees is Red in colour, she associates them with being spicy for now... hehe

Sentences she speaks:
- Go there, go here etc (in Mandarin)
- I want to eat.. xxx (in Mandarin)
- I want to poo (in Mandarin)
- I want to pee (in Mandarin)
- I want to drink water (in Mandarin)
- I don't this/that/person, go away (in Mandarin)
- XXX don't have hair (in Mandarin)
- Open the fridge (in Mandarin)
- Mama, thank you (in Mandarin)
- Mama (or xxx), carry me (in Mandarin)
- Mama eat spicy (in Mandarin)
- Where is xxx (in Mandarin)
- Bra is mama's (in Mandarin): faint - this one she picked up because I told her!

Ok... I think the list is long than what I can actually remember... so long for now...

Oh, since Keira is absorbing things so well and picking up really fast, we'll be sending her to play school within next couple of weeks. This also starts preparing for arrival of our second bb so everyone can manage better.

Hmm...I feel so guilty...

Just what am I so guilty about?

1. Those of you who have been following my blog will notice that my blog updates were not as "intensive" as before. I used to write >10 blogs a month, however, for the past 6-7 months, you'll be lucky if you can read 2-3 blogs from me...

2. I used to take lotsa pictures of Keira, especially on my mobile phone. I changed my phone recently and imported all my pics unto the new phone... Yep... realised that the # of pics got lesser and lesser over the past months. I wonder, if Keira is going to get more face time when #2 comes along?? or going to get worst because I will be going "ga-ga" taking pics of the newborn again??

So... over the past week, I made an effort to "remind" myself to take pics of Keira whenever I can. Here's are some for your viewing pleasure...so I don't feel so guilty today.. :p

April 26: Stayed over at mum's house over the weekends while hb went on holiday with frens.

Super hot weather over this weekends!!! We were just lazing at mum's home....






May 1: Me on annual leave and home alone with Keira while hb was at work

Keira just wouldn't release that pacifier of hers to take these pics! yyeee.... so ugly!



Keira mimicking "V" hand sign...







May 3: Packing room for #2: what a discovery for Keira! ...haha...

Keira doesn't recall she wear these booties and mittens when she was a newborn, ofcoz!!! It's fascinating for her to see these... and ofcoz.. she wanted to wear them!!!







May 4: Dressing Keira for shopping. Put on hat I bought for her... nice?

BB#2 @ 29 weeks

BB # 2 is now 29 weeks old. Another about 2 months more to go b4 she pops. Oh, I can't wait for this day to come... This pregnancy seems to go by faster than the 1st, perhaps I was just too busy and engaged with work to even think or pay attention to.. or perhaps this is 2nd so the excitement level is not as high as the 1st.

Keira now knows bb#2 in my tummy is a "妹妹". Sometimes, she'll offer her drink or food to her "妹妹" - directing it at my tummy ... hehe. Cute! Sometimes she'll kiss my tummy... at times, she'll simply ignore ... haha...

BB#2 seems to be alot more active than Keira when she was in my tummy. Her movements can be rather vigorous at times and it still wow me everytime I see my tummy being stretched to one corner with her movements. Interesting!

I have yet to think about my birth plan, simply because I don't think I have a choice except to have Dr Chan examine to see if I can proceed with natural birth later stage of pregnancy, since I've had c-sect before. At this point, I am sceptical about going natural and later end up with c-sect as it's an ultimate stressful and tiring process! Anyway.. shall wait and see...

Till then...

Keira contracted Bronchitis!

Keira has been coughing (with Phlegm) for the past 2 weeks, with no fever, still very active... basically nothing unusual except coughing couple of times each day. Over the last 2 nites while I was sleeping with her, I would notice her coughing (with phlegm) and crying a little and screaming "pain pain" and then back to her dreamland again. She didn't/couldn't tell me exactly where the "pain" came from and so I thought, perhaps a little sore throat or maybe teething? Get her to drink more water. We did not consider bringing her to Dr N since there wasn't any cause to worry.... or so I thought since Keira is supposed to have Dr N appt for 18 mths jap on Sat (5 April) and we can consult him then....

And so we thought!

Until Friday (4 April), my parents called me multiple times (coz I was on another line) to informed me that Keira was crying alot and kept pointing to inside her mouth.. crying "pain pain". Couldn't sleep during her nap and was starting to look listless. Mum thought I should bring her to doc. So i did, informed my boss about it.. and then left home early to bring her to Dr N.

She looked very listless when I got home, packed her stuff and then headed for Dr N. But she started getting all active again when we reached clinic, waiting for Dr N and her turn - she was back to her usual self! Smiling, walking, running... creating a little havoc....And I began to wonder if she needed to see Dr N!!!!!! gosh!!!

Until... and not until....

Dr N. examined her.... and told me "oh no... she has Bronchitis." Bronchitis??? Sounds very familiar... can you refresh my memory please....

"She has Bronchitis, having phlegm in her lungs now, causing her air passage way to be blocked. If not treated, can lead to Pnenomia. So need to treat her fast and basically oral medication is not very effective now, and she has to be adminstered via electric respirator" ... gosh... sounds complicating!!! How did she contracted this? Or was it a plain simple cough not treated and it got worst, into her lungs???

Anyway.. too late to ask all these.. just get her treated first. It was an expensive affair - >$200 for this! Keira needs to be on respirator 4 times a day, for 5 days. With oral medication too. Arrghhh.. poor Keira!

Here's a pic of the electric respirator, and will need to add some "medicine" to it before administering on Keira. I wouldn't want to take a pic of Keira screaming and rejecting this while I did it on her. Basically, she accepted this for the 1st 2 times, and then the rest of the weekends... K papa had to hold her down, lock her legs and arms, and me administer on her while she was crying, screaming and struggling. When it's time for this, I'll tell Keira... "Wanna hoo hoo?" ... she said "no" ... when she sees me preparing the medication on the respirator... she "shoo me away"!

I can't wait to get this over and done for her! Poor Keira!

In Jakarta...phew...going home tonight! yeah!

Can't wait to get home to Keira!!!!!!

Easter@Sentosa

Nice to have Friday off for Easter Holiday. Eld Bro, Sis-in-Law, Karin, K papa, Keira and I headed for Sentosa! yeah!

Some pictures...

Karin and Keira - Excited when they arrived Sentosa! Look at Karin, all ready to build her sand castle! Keira still figuring out what she wanna do.. hehe

Trying to get both of them to look at my camera is such great challenge! Here's a nice looking one...

Keira "learning" from cousin Karin what to do...

Keira trying her hands with messing around... hehe while Karin guided on..

The Tent is up... and both of them couldn't wait to try sleeping in there!

Karin was on the sand building here sand castle... and Keira wanted to join but so scared of standing on the sand!

Finally, she set on a pail! haha...

Here's the results of their sand castle!