Choices, choices, choices..means decision, decision, decision

Are having choices really or necessarily a good thing? Perhaps not all the time...

At times, when there isn't a choice for you and you had to do it the only way... it might not be a bad thing afterall. In other cases, where you know there is a probability of risks and you have choices where a decision has to be made ... it might not be that exciting.

What am I talking about?

Some friends might recall that I had a previous c-sect done on my 1st pregnancy. Well, that wasn't really a choice as it was considered emergency c-sect since I had labor for 16 hrs and cervix did not dilate (actually only 1.5cm after 16 hrs of contractions). So I ended up with c-sect, which wasn't something I wanted nor expected. Frankly, I didn't like the whole process during the ops because I experienced intense shivering due to the effects of epidural in the ops. It felt terrible because I couldn't control the shiver and no one could.. I could only endure until gynae finished stitching. Emotionally, it affected me because I wanted to go through natural birth that when I ended up not able to do so, I started 'blaming myself' about being so incompetent ... this "slight depression" started on day 2 and it started to build up plus the fact that milk hasn't came in at the time. Everything made me felt like I am such a failure.... I cried .... and thank goodness, hb was there and that little comfort made me snapped out of depression very quickly. Couldn't imagine what would have happened if I continued to submit myself to depression.

So, this time round, I kinda prep myself that I could end up with c-sect although I was still hoping for VBAC (virginal birth after c-sect). In my last checkup with gynae (38 wks 2 days) on Sat, my cervix was still stubbornly closed although gynae said it has started to thin/soft. Gosh.. how long more do I have to wait... with the onset of contractions/tightening that I have been experiencing over the past 5 or so days. Ofcoz it was bearable... but definitely making me very comfortable. My tummy is super low ... I can't sit properly, it felt like my whole tummy has drooped! Keira kept wanting me to carry her... my bb's cord is around her neck, my strep B culture did not cure after 1st round of antibotics .... and I am so tired!

I had to make a decision to have a planned c-sect or continue to wait until my cervix dilate. There are many factors to consider and I did not have a fun time over the weekends thinking about what I should do! Every other time when I thought I made a decision to do 1-way, my mind suddenly changed. Fact is, I just could not make up my mind!

Finally, this morning, I told hb... it'll be final chance. I'll see gynae this afternoon, check again.. if cervix is still as stubborn as ME, then I will go thru planned c-sect tomorrow!

... I am freaked out! freak out about the effects of epi making me shiver during ops, freak out about the pain after c-sect, freak out about the recovery, freak out about not being able to carry Keira for (going to be) a while! so freaking out that she will begin to reject me ... :(

Backdated: Zoo Trip 10 May

Can't believe myself! I've clean forgotten about the pictures taken during the Zoo trip on 10 May! and it's been almost >1 mth ago! It was only until couple days back when I was charging my camera in preparation for my #2 delivery that I chanced upon them! ahaaa...

Here are some pics for your viewing pleasure...

Pointing to the monkeys on the trees...


Being cheeky on camera


Keira just not keen to take pic w cousin Karin???


Keira decided to walk away... more engrossed in other stuff...


Left with sweety Karin...


Everyone was watching Elephant Show...except greedy Keira enjoying her raisins!


End of trip ... she decided to take a ride from Ms Cow!

2 June 2008: Keira started play school

2 June 2008:

Keira started play school - whatever that is supposed to be called... I still can't quite get it yet, and perhaps that's because I never really want to remember! Play school, pre-nursery, nursery, pre-school.. whatever... !!! To me, she is just going to "school" at age of 20 months to interact with other toddlers, kids...etc. Learn to make friends and learn to share... and learn to be an obedient gal! that's my basic criteria for now. Anything additional.. will be bonus ... frankly, I'll rather she learns stuff like singing, dancing etc... rather than anything that seems too presurizing! I hope for her to grow up enjoying her childhood!

So.. how's first and second day for Keira?

I was really skeptical over the past weeks when we decided to send her to playschool. So, we started her off with half-day this whole week, and then transition to full-day from next week onwards. I thought she'll be kicking big fuss and crying through her first day in school when left alone (coz Karin, her cousin is out of town and not in school this week). Contrary to that, I was told by mum that Keira only cried a little and actually managed to stay in school till being picked up at lunch! WOW.... great job Keira!

Today is Keira's second day....
I was told she did better than yesterday! haha.. wow... another great job Keira! I am so proud of you... please keep up the good job! Teacher said she speaks really well! great job!

For 2 evenings, I asked Keira what she had learnt from school ... and being her cheeky self (or perhaps still not able to articulate her message/thoughts....)... Keira told me "洗手" .. "饭饭".... "包包" ... in response to her ... "What? .. mama paid $XXX per month for you to learn how to "wash hands", "eat rice" and "eat bread" ??? ... haha .... upon hearing me, Keira let off a super loud laugh!